Hello friends,
I have struggled with daily life of late, I have found it extremely hard to get out into the 'real world' and do what one has to do to get to the end of the day. I dont know if its just 'that time of year' because I dont handle winter, the dark very well at all. But I have felt very despondent for the past two months or so. I have fought depression every minute of everyday for all my life (swings and roundabouts) Some days I just want to stop the world and get off, but I am the eternal optimist, tomorrow is another day, but it seems everyday is as difficult to get through, as the previous one. But then I remind myself how lucky I am in many respects compared to others not as fortunate as myself, compared to the friend I have who is fighting for his life, fighting the evil Cancer, yet we know the Cancer is going to win and win in the coming months, he continues to fight. I have total admiration for my friend, he is so very brave and it is so very painful to know, there is nothing at all I can do for him, except just try be there when he needs me and try to make the very most of what precious little time we have left for us, try to stay positive for him and
I know I have many positive things in my life to be very grateful for and so easily do I forget when I let the darkness of self doubt, a lack of self worth and depression envelop me,it just seems I have more negative things going on than positive, mostly worrying about a few people who are suffering with illness, with depression also, as deep and as dark as my own. Sometimes its just too hard to bear, its hard to find your way to that 'healthy balance'. Self depreciation we have all been there, it has be healthy right?
I am unsure why I have waffled on to you all with my wallowing in self pity. I guess what I am trying to say is, I do forgot sometimes, how very privileged I am really, in many aspects and not only that, the Sun is coming up slightly earlier now and staying around longer, longer for me here in the UK, so Spring is not too far away, It is not helped by the prolonged extreme weather conditions we are experiencing here and Europe wide at the moment (snow and ice) With no sign of abating for at least another week yet, its treacherous underfoot out there, certainly not cycling weather, I deck/come off my bike with out fail in the snow/ice, going far too fast and I have done so recently in some grand style, even trying to stay upright on the pavements/sidewalks is a nightmare! I just need to keep going watching and waiting for the first signs of Spring, when I know my all mood will improve.
BIG HUG to my fellow depressives and Take care all x
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