Right, so I am going to, right now, blog about a blog. Yep.
I have been having a blast, lately, with tumblr. It gives me somewhere to show off all the sexy photos I find on the internet (along with a good few nerdy pictures) and the chance to interact with people that have similar interests as me. I follow all sorts of people, crafties, nerds, news bloggers, but mostly a good few Doms and a few submissives. Which, up until recently, has not really been a problem. On that site no one but you sees who you are following.
Well, a few months ago, a few of my friends on facebook noticed that I reposted something I found on tumblr and asked if I had one. Both these girls have no idea about NN or any of my..umm..darker side, lol. One is a girl that I have known since we were 12. So, I gave them both my link and warned them that is is a bit more graphic then what I post on facebook. And, I was surprised, they both took it in stride. Now, I get jokes from both of them that they don't have enough porn on their dashboards when I'm not around.
Anyways, I rebloged a post that said "Ask me to list my five favorite of any one thing." I did not expect, really, to get more then someone asking me for my favorite books or movies, but the girl who has been my friend for so long asked about my favorite positions. By now I was freaking out a little bit, I did not know how graphic I should be, if she figured I would just rattle off 5 well known positions or if she would be offended when I went into detail. And, hell, that is without even touching on oral or *gasp* anal. So, I was honest, but I kept it as..I don't know.. pleasant, maybe, as possible. The most detailed was that I have this wonderful fantasy of being bent over a table, in the throes of passion, and fucked. And, to my surprise, she replied that it was one of her fantasies too!
Now..I know I am a bit all over the place with this..But, I am really excited that a friend, one that did not meet me because of my deviant side, did not balk at the idea of talking with me about sex! It sounds silly, I mean 24 year old women talk to their friends about sex, right? Well, not me. My family and most of my friends did not know that i was not a virgin until I was 4 months pregnant. I have just always been very self conscious about my body and reserved about sex. I had a bad experience with my first boyfriend that left me thinking that I was completely undesirable and that my feelings and emotions were substandard. So, I was just never one to open up.
Which leads me to my last point. I am so thankful I found NN. This site has been, over the last nearly 6 years, the one place that I feel free to be completely who I am. I don't feel the need to edit my thoughts or actions, and I have found a new acceptance of myself. I really do think there is something deeply therapeutic about having nothing physical hidden here that allows me to express myself more freely then anywhere else. No matter my physical flaws, no matter what happened in my past or where I am in life right now, I know that I can come here and just be me.
And, yeah...if you read this far, I truly hope I did not break your sanity. I'm worried to go back and read how broken my thoughts were through all this..I'd probably just delete the whole thing. So, I am going to click the little button, and I think I might go try and work up the nerve to tell my friend about NN.
