rinudist's Blog

Is the Magic Wand the best vibrator on the market?

I’d like to get one for my girl, but it seems so intimidating

This past weekend, I brought my girl to her first nudist resort.

I’m really luck to have a girlfriend who I can be vulnerable with and let her know that being a nudist is my thing. Then extremely lucky that she is willing to try something new.

We did have a really nice time. She got to meet some of my friends. Best part is we were all naked and outside in the sun.

Nice

I'm a child of the 70's and 80's. Back than a woman shaving her pussy was a novelty. I remember the first time I saw a shaved pussy. Her name was Blonde Bee, a porn star of the 80's. She completely shaved her pussy and I was hooked. I had a quest to find any and all shaved pussies from then on as an 18, 19 and 20 year old.

At that time, my girlfriend and I were very open and experimental with sex. Really the only woman that was like that with me. I showed her this woman, Blonde, and I asked her if she would do that for me. She was so accommodating, so after a little while I decided to shave myself. After doing so, I decided that I didn't care if she didn't like it, I did. I rarely went unshaved since then.

When I started dating my soon-to-be wife, I stopped shaving. I thought that it was really out there. This was around 1988. Shaving had not been a mainstream thing yet. After seeing Blonde, I slowly started to see other porn stars shaving like Nina Hartley (my favorite of ALL time), Amber Lynn, Ginger Lynn and so on. So, I kept this, what I thought was a fetish to myself.

After a fews years of dating and just about to get married, I shave my balls. My wife's reaction was very obtuse, which was disappointing to me. Looking back at this, I realize that it just wasn't her thing. But, her disinterest was shameful for me. So, I continued to shave every once in a while, obviously not for her but for me.

Honestly, I fell in love with how I looked and how my shaved testicles felt. I never wanted to stop.

In the 90's, it became the norm to see women shaved. Every once in a while there would be a guy who shaved. I found it very excited and couldn't get enough.

I was embarrassed with my shaved nuts when I would go golfing or the gym. I didn't want others to see me shaved, I think I would have felt less of a man. What a horrible feeling that is. I felt like I couldn't be me, I was afraid.

Every once in a while, I would ask my wife if I could shave her and she would oblige. This was extremely charging for me. In my mind, it was so intimate. I loved the closeup of my wife's pussy. I loved shaving it smooth and touching it. Afterwards, I was ravenous and I would eat her out like she'd never been before. It was apparent that she loved it and after having sex she would mention that I was a wild man.

What was very confusing for me was she wouldn't shave herself on her own. She loved the orgasms I gave her, I would think anyone would do what they could to obtain great orgasms, that's what I would do. She knew I loved seeing her shaved, I thought why wouldn't she shave for me? Did she not love me enough? I had a hard time with these thoughts.

There were few times where she acknowledged my shave genitals and I loved the acknowledgement. I so desperately wanted to be seen especially by my wife. So, when she acknowledged it, I felt good. Yet, her acknowledgment was, "oh, you shaved" not "I love it when you shave".

For years in our marriage, I would go to massage parlors and prostitutes with the hope that they would acknowledge my shaved testicles. Some would talk to me about it, I would go thru the roof. Most didn't. Looking back at that, it makes sense. Those were purely transactional situations, there was no real connection.

You know what? I outsourced my self-esteem. I looked to others to make me feel better about myself. I NEEDED someone else to build me up whether it was complimenting my nice shave job or that I was sexual attractive or that I was good in bed. Of course, sex has been a HUGE area of validation for me. Without that validation, I maintained low self-esteem. So, I tried to get other to build my self-esteem though work and being an awesome employee, teammate and leader. I tried to build my self-esteem through material goods, my house, cars and toys.

I didn't know any other way to build my self-esteem.

In the 2000's, shaving became mainstream. It was basically impossible to find pornography with someone with at least a little bit of pubic hair. I mean, just look at this site for example. I applaud members who maintain a hairy crotch and often times find it attractive and novelty is exciting. Just like the first time I saw Blonde Bee.

All this made it a little easier for me at the gym, but I continue to be modest hoping no one will notice. Now I feel a little embarrassed being 53 years old and shaving. What non-sense, but it still hits me.

About 10 years ago, I encountered what is called a pilonidal cyst, which is infection that resides on your tailbone. The pressure it creates on the tailbone is extremely painful and feels like the bone is broken. Long story short, I had it taken care of and the doctor mentioned that I could have surgery to ensure it didn't happen again or I could shave my ass from the tailbone down to my anus. The infection is typically caused by an ingrown hair. Well, how do you shave your own ass? So, I started researching Laser treatment, electrolysis and waxing.

I found a wax esthetician and had here wax my butt. I'll be honest I feared the pain. My wife had a bikini wax before and she told me never again, it was so painful. Well, I didn't think that butt wax was that painful and I loved the touch of my ass. I then talked to the esthetician about a Brizillan. I loved it! Things I like about it...

1. It's a much more complete job compared to my shaving
2. It's easier for me
3. I actually like the warm wax being applied and the genital manipulation
4. The wax lasts longer - I would get the typical 5 o'clock shadow - not with a wax since it pulls the hair out from the root.
5. The regrowth is softer. It's not stubbly like a shave. Less irritating
6. I've noticed that as time goes on there is less hair growth too.
7. I like the mini-massage I get at the end to apply some lotion. Don't mix this up with a happy ending, it's not like that
8. Lastly, my esthetician acknowledges her appreciation for hairless bodies. The helps my mental aspect that I validated and I'm not strange.

I was embarrassed getting a wax, because the manipulation tends to cause an erection. This erection doesn't come from a sexual context, although I can make it so. It comes from natural physical behavior when a penis is touch like that. I once apologize to my waxer. Her response was the erection made her job easier to wax my shaft, so she appreciates it.

In any case, I don't ever want to go back to shaving. This virus has resulted in my shaving, which only strengthen my validation that I much more prefer waxing.

I've been separated from my wife now for over 5 years. I've been dating again, normally women my age between 45-55. I found that when it comes to shaving it runs the gamut. The younger 40 somethings are often times shaved, in their 50's less so. But honestly, I don't mind, I seem to love pussies shaved or not. Both are beautiful and exciting.

I still struggle with fear when we first have sex. I'm always waxed. I fear what the woman will think of me and I always think the worse. "She'll think I'm a pervert", "She'll think it's creepy to look like a little boy", "She'll think I'm disgusting". Another fear I have is them telling me not to get waxed, because they don't like the idea of another woman touching and manipulating my sexual parts. On and on.

I rarely think in terms of "She appreciates that I try to look attractive for my partner", "She gets excited to see a shaved penis and genitals", "She likes not getting hair in her mouth", "She likes a guy comfortable enough to shave/wax himself". "That's cool that he goes to a wax esthetician for a wax and 'man enough' to go to a spa to do so."

My experience with these situations have been positive. No woman has made me feel ashamed or like a creep. So, are a little obtuse like my wife was. Others love it and then others fall all in between. My current girlfriend falls into the camp of shaving herself, loves that I get waxed and lastly she acknowledges it. I'm seen!!

So even though, my rational mind recognizes that my preference is completely alright and it's alright if others are not interested. It takes all attitudes, thoughts and interests to make the world go round.

Do I still outsource my self-esteem? Sure, but less so. I try to be mindful of my distorted thinking. I try to push through the fears and shame that I have. Not easy, but when I do I'm often surprised that my worst fears never result.

Lastly, I'm more accepting or at least try to be more accepting of others interests, attitudes and thoughts about sex in general. Basically, I try not to make it personal when a woman has a different opinion about sex in general or specific. Like I said earlier, when my wife would shave for me, I took that as she didn't love me (personal). Maybe she just didn't like having to shave.

Here's a novel idea, why don't I just ask and talk about it to my partner instead of relying on perceptions and assumptions. Maybe this is another topic for my blog, "why am I so afraid of talking to my partner about sex?"

For those of you that actually get through my long blogs, thank you so, so much. I greatly appreciate it and I hope that you can relate and maybe it helps you.

In any case, I would love to hear your comments or questions.

My first rimming experience, giving and receiving? 12 years old, in the backyard in my tent, with my best friend Kevin, summer night.

Typical adolescent sexual exploration. We started off by me showing him how to masturbate. Imagine, we were so young we didn't ejaculate. We hadn't hit puberty. But the dry orgasm sensation was just as addictive. (Note: have to write about my first ejaculation experience). That eventually led us to oral sex.

One night, Kevin went and licked my ass. What a great feeling! I had to ask him what he was doing. I was hooked. I then gave him the same experience. I think he was just as hooked. What else was I hooked on, providing sexual pleasure. There is a great sense of power there and it is a service to please someone else.

Back to the topic. After those adolescent years, rimming fell off my radar. I might have been interested in performing and receiving it, but there was no way that I was going to talk about it. I felt shameful. I'm a "guy", no one is suppose to touch my ass. I hate saying it, but I didn't want to seem gay. I also didn't want to talk to a girl about me doing it to her. My fear was she would think I was gross and disgusting.

It makes me sad to think I wasted so many years in fear and shame about my sexual pleasures. In a lot of ways is was a societal problem for me. I felt different and different was wrong.

A few years into marriage, while I was pleasing my wife orally, I would slyly lick her ass. She didn't respond negatively. BTW, I had the bad habit of begging for forgiveness rather than asking for permission with it came to sex with my wife. It was too shameful for me to talk about it. Today, I have a lot of regret for that approach. Now, I try to talk about these things with my partner before hand although sometimes in the heat of passion I'll do something we've never discuss. My partner and I are comfortable with expressing if we don't like something in the heat of the moment and I find it to be a good practice to talk about it afterward. You know, something to keep or throw out.

Well, for a while when eating my wife's pussy, I work work my way down to her ass. It was clear to me that she enjoyed it, because when I would tongue her ass she would press into me. A clear indication that she wanted more.

Time had pasted and we went on vacation. We decided to get a book of erotic stories and she would read to me as I drove. One story was about a woman who experienced and enjoyed giving and receiving a rim job. To my surprise, my wife turned to me and asked, do people actually do that? I don't think I'd like it.

To her surprise, I told her that I had been tonguing her ass for a while and she seemed to like it. Years later, after do research on male and female sexuality, I found out that it is not uncommon for women to not know their intimate areas and recognize what was plearsurable and what was not. Many women do not know what their vulvas look like. My wife fit this category.

It brought me back to that first rimming experience I had. I had to ask Kevin what he was doing, because it was a new sensation. I wanted to know so I could do it to him so he could experience the same.

During that vacation, I let my wife know when I was rimming her, so she could connect the sensation with the part of her body.

After that, my wife has a 'love'/'hate' relationship with rimming. On one hand, she loved the sensation and it heightened her pleasure. But not the other hand, it was disturbing to her as she equated that part of her body as gross and dirty. I would say it is gross, but obviously it is dirty. There are ways around that with proper hygiene prior to having sex. But even with that it can be mentally difficult to overcome.

End result...
1. I love giving and receiving a rim job
2. I want to be more upfront with my partner about my sexual pleasure and desires
3. I want to be accepting that my partner does not have the same interests sexually. Hell, I like Thai food and she doesn't. I'm not going to kill the relationship over it.
4. I strive to let go off the shame and fear of my sexuality. Can only be done by being vulnerable about it.

I've talked to my current partner about anal play. I love the fact that her response to it is, I don't know if I like it. She's open to it. My attitude about new sexual experiences is like food, I'll try it at least once before making a judgement (in most cases). Seems that she has the same opinion.

So, I will try rimming her and see what her reaction is. I'll talk to her about giving it to me and if I'm lucky she'll be open to trying it. In the end, I'll strive to surrender any bad feelings if she tells me she's not into it. There is certainly more sex variety to try.

I have always appreciated a woman who swallows. For me, blowjobs are an extremely intimate action from a woman accepting my penis in her mouth, to letting me cum in her mouth and for her to swallow it.

My second girlfriend, at the age of 16, once asked me if I knew the difference between “like and love” and she answered “spit and swallow”.

I guess this was the foundation of when I was fixated on women who are willing to swallow my cum. I believe I linked this action with loving me.

My wife, of over 25 years and been separated for 5 now, always enjoyed giving me a blowjob. In the early years, she would pull away right at the moment and complete me with her hand. In some ways, I was confused. I loved her and would do anything for her, why didn’t she have the same passion as I did?

At any rate, in my rational mind, I knew that I loved her and tried to rid the distorted thinking that her not swallowing meant she didn’t love me.

During our marriage, she did get to a point where she would accept my cum in her mouth. She was patient and made sure that I was complete then she would run to the bathroom to spit it out in the sink.

My distorted thinking sometimes made me feel like her spitting my cum out her mouth was tantamount for spitting on our love for each other. I knew it was distorted thinking, but the feelings of emptiness drown me. This led me to believe that my wife had sex with me as a sense of obligation not because she wanted to have sex with me. I mean, if she really wanted to have sex with me, she would lose herself in the passion and “swallow” my cum.

I’ve reflected on my attitude and way of thinking. I realized that my thinking dictated my feelings. So, if my thinking was distorted, not on point, I would feel empty and unlovable. Rejected by my wife.

Since our separation, I’ve been dating and having sexual relations with different women. I’ve been with a women who downright didn’t like giving oral sex to another who only wanted to have oral sex.

I’ve been with a woman who asked me not to cum in her mouth and another who let me cum in her mouth and she let it drool out the sides of her mouth (actually very hot to me, but messy).

I’ve realized that the attitude and beliefs I established at 16 great impacted my relationships in a negative way.

Today, I try hard to surrender these attitudes and beliefs. They don’t work for me or my partner.

So, is swallowing overrated? I think so. My attitude is if both partners consensually like it awesome. If I’m with the right person I believe I could go without a BJ. I don’t have to like it, but I can accept it.

If my girl likes to let it drool out her mouth and create a mess, we’ll, I’ve not only learned to accept that, but I enjoy it. It looks good and sounds awesome!!

At the end of the day, I prefer swallowing. But I’m alright with everything in between.

I was on the site years ago, but I let my subscription lapse. Since then, I’ve put a lot of thought about who I am, who I want to be and what changes I needed to apply to my life.

First, I need to be open and honest about who I am. To be vulnerable in all aspects of my life especially my sexual aspect.

I’ve spent way too much time feeling ashamed about my body, sexual experiences, thoughts, desires, fantasies and attractions. Shame held me back from making any real connections to anyone. Shame made me hate myself.

I’ve been separated from my wife for the last 5+ years. During this time, I have been experimenting with things that interest me from swinging to BDSM to spending time at nudist resorts.

I’m comfortable with my body today. Something I’ve grown to love with my nudist experience. Nothing feels more vulnerable then being completely naked with others in a social setting. Talking to naked people in a non-sexual way. Showering with whoever. Spending time in the hot-tub with others chatting away. Skinny dipping in the local pond and pool.

I tried swinging and sex clubs. Very interesting and exciting. Having sex with strangers can be a real high. Enjoying the sensual touch and sex acts between multiple people at the same time. I might enjoy just watching others have sex more than taking an active part.

Exploring my BDSM interests have been a little more difficult as a single male. I have explored these interests at Munches, specific classes and fetish fleas. The down side is finding a partner to experience my cravings and desires with. I want to be dominated by a sensual caring mistress that is willing to put me in my place in a compassionate way. I want to be flogged, tickled and I want to express my devotion by wearing a chastity cage for her. I want to be told to please her and anyone she deems I should please - male or female. I want a strong mistress who knows what she wants, but is caring for me and takes care of me with a strong will.

Unfortunately, I have found it difficult to find such a mistress. There are plenty of providers for the act, but that seems very detached for me. I need an emotional and spiritual bond with my mistress.

Things I’ve learned about myself is I’m a man who doesn’t necessarily follow the typical social construct of life, sexual orientation and desires.

I am heterosexual, but yet have a strong attraction to penises. I’m not physically attracted to masculinity, but I am to penises. This might seem odd. For a long time, I wondered if I was gay. I’ve been ashamed to admit that I find a penis attractive. Sometimes I want to hold, caress, kiss and suck on a penis. But I’m not interested, in the rest of a masculine hairy body. You know the six pack abs, muscles and pecks. Maybe that is why I’m attracted to some transgendered women. They have the famine look that I desire and an attractive cock. Maybe I should explore this. I certainly fall somewhere in the middle of the Kinsey scale.

Anyway, I have a long blog for my first. Maybe I’ll use this tool to journal where I’m at to help me gain more insight on who I am