SWM in lame job seeks crazy bitch for unfulfilling sex, hustling, and co-dependency. I enjoy smoking, drinking, pornography, and self-righteous indignation. Everything I need to know about life I got from watching TV. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure. I have middling intelligence but try to appear smarter by affecting a world-weary air, memorizing pointless quotes of classical works, and chuckling at my own mean-spirited, agenda-driven jokes. I'm 33, but look 50 and feel 67.