shegotthejak's Blog - page 1

There comes a time in life when you walk away from all the pointless drama and people who create it, and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus on the good. Life is too short to be anything but happy.

Dear Codependent Partner, What I’m about to say is not something I’d ever say or admit (to you), because to do so would end the winner-takes-all-game that is my main source of pleasure in life — one that effectively keeps you carrying my load in our relationship.
And that’s the whole point. When I say “I love you” I mean that I love how hard you work to make me feel like your everything, that I am the focus of your life, that you want me to be happy, and that I’ll never be expected to do the same. I love the power I have to take advantage of your kindness and intentions to be nice, and the pleasure I derive when I make myself feel huge in comparison to you, taking every opportunity to make you feel small and insignificant. I love the feeling it gives me thinking of you as weak, vulnerable, emotionally fluffy, and I love looking down on you for your childlike innocence and gullibility, as weakness. I love the way I feel knowing that, through the use of gas lighting, what you want to discuss or address will never happen, and I love this “power” to train you to feel “crazy” for even asking or bringing up issues that don’t interest me, effectively, ever lowering your expectations of me and what I’m capable of giving you, while I up mine of you. I love how easy it is to keep your sole focus on alleviating my pain (never yours!), and that, regardless what you do, you’ll never make me feel good enough, loved enough, respected enough, appreciated enough, and so on. (Misery loves company.)
(It’s not about the closeness, empathy, emotional connection you want, or what I did that hurt or embarrassed you, or how little time I spend engaged with you or the children, and so on. It’s about my status and doing my job to keep you in your place, in pain, focused on feeling my pain, blocking you from feeling valued in relation to me. I’m superior and entitled to all the pleasure, admiration, and comforting between us, remember?) “I love you” means I love the way I feel when you are with me, more specifically, regarding you as a piece of property I own, my possession. Like driving a hot car, I love the extent to which you enhance my status in the eyes of others, letting them know that I’m top dog, and so on. I love thinking others are jealous of my possessions. I love the power I have to keep you working hard to prove your love and devotion, wondering what else you need to do to “prove” your loyalty. “I love you” means I love the way I feel when I’m with you. Due to how often I hate and look down on others in general, the mirror neurons in my brain keep me constantly experiencing feelings of self-loathing; thus, I love that I can love myself through you, and also love hating you for my “neediness” of having to rely on you or anyone for anything. I love that you are there to blame whenever I feel this “neediness”; feeling scorn for you seems to protect me from something I hate to admit, that I feel totally dependent on you to “feed” my sense of superiority and entitlement, and to keep my illusion of power alive in my mind. (Nothing makes me feel more fragile and vulnerable than not having control over something that would tarnish my image and superior status, such as when you question “how” I treat you, as if you still don’t understand that getting you to accept yourself as an object for my pleasure, happy regardless of how I treat you, or the children — is key proof of my superiority, to the world. You’re my possession, remember? It’s my job to teach you to hate and act calloused toward those “crazy” things that only “weak” people need, such as “closeness” and “emotional stuff;” and by the way, I know this “works” because my childhood taught me to do this to myself inside.) It makes me light up with pleasure (more proof of my superiority) that I can easily get you flustered, make you act “crazy” over not getting what you want from me, make you repeat yourself, and say and do things that you’ll later hate yourself for (because of your “niceness”!). Everything you say, any hurts or complaints you share, you can be sure, I’ll taunt you with later, to keep you ever-spinning your wheels, ever trying to explain yourself, ever doubting yourself and confused, trying to figure out why I don’t “get” it. (There’s nothing to get! To break the code, you’d have to look through my lens, not yours! It’s my job to show complete disinterest in your emotional needs, hurts, wants, and to train, dismiss and punish accordingly, until you learn your “lesson,” that is: To take your place as a voiceless object, a possession has no desire except to serve my pleasure and comfort, and never an opinion on how its treated!) (That you can’t figure this out, after all the ways I’ve mistreated you, to me, is proof of my genetic superiority. In my playbook, those with superior genes are never kind, except to lure and snare their victims!) I love that I can make you feel insecure at the drop of a hat, especially by giving attention to other women (perhaps also others in general, friends, family members, children, etc. … the list is endless). What power this gives me to put a display of what you don’t get from me, to taunt and make you beg for what I easily give to others, wondering why it’s so easy to give what you want to others, to express feelings or affection, to give compliments, that is, when it serves my pleasure (in this case, to watch you squirm). I love the power I have to get you back whenever you threaten to leave, by throwing a few crumbs your way, and watching how quickly I can talk you into trusting me when I turn on the charm, deceiving you into thinking, this time, I’ll change. “I love you” means I need you because, due to the self-loathing I carry inside, I need someone who won’t abandon me that I can use as a punching bag, to make myself feel good by making them feel bad about themselves. (This is how I pleasure myself, and the way I numb, deny the scary feelings I carry inside that I hope to never admit, ever. I hate any signs of weakness in me, which is why I hate you, and all those I consider inferior, stupid, feeble, and so on.) “I love you” means that I love fixing and shaping your thoughts and beliefs, being in control of your mind, so that you think of me as your miracle and savior, a source of life and sustenance you depend on, and bouncing back to, like gravity, no matter how high you try to fly away or jump. I love that this makes me feel like a god, to keep you so focused (obsessed… with making me feel worshiped and adored, sacrificing everything for me to prove yourself so that I don’t condemn you, seeking to please none other, and inherently, with sole rights to administer rewards and punishments as I please. I love how I can use my power to keep you down, doubting and second-guessing yourself, questioning your sanity, obsessed with explaining yourself to me (and others), professing your loyalty, wondering what’s wrong with you (instead of realizing that … you cannot make someone “happy” who derives their sense of power and pleasure from feeling scorn for others … and you!). “I love you” means I love the way I feel when I see myself through your admiring eyes, that you’re my feel-good drug, my dedicated audience, my biggest fan and admirer, and so on. You, and in particular, your looking up to me, unquestionably, as your never-erring, omniscient, omnipotent source of knowledge is my drug of choice. (You may have noticed how touchy I am at any signs of being question; yes, I hate how fragile I feel at any sign of thinking that you, or the world, could judge me as having failed to keep my possessions in line.) And I love that, no matter how hard you beg and plead for my love and admiration, to feel valued in return, it won’t happen, as long as I’m in control. Why would I let it, when I’m hooked on deriving pleasure from depriving you of anything that would be wind beneath your wings, risking you’d fly away from me? It gives me great pleasure to not give you what you yearn for, the tenderness you need and want, and to burst your every dream and bubble, then telling myself, “I’m no fool.” I love that I can control your attempts to get “through” to me, by controlling your mind, in particular, by shifting the focus of any “discussion” onto what is wrong with you, your failure to appreciate and make me feel loved, good enough — and of course, reminding you of all I’ve done for you, and how ungrateful you are. I love how I skillfully manipulate others’ opinions of you as well, getting them to side with me as the “good” guy, and side against you as the “bad” guy, portraying you as needy, never satisfied, always complaining, selfish and controlling, and the like. I love how easy it is for me to say “No!” to what may provide you a sense of value and significance in relation to me, with endless excuses, and that I instead keep your focus on my needs and wants, my discomforts or pain. I love feeling that I own your thoughts, your ambitions, and ensuring your wants and needs are solely focused on not upsetting me, keeping me happy. I love being a drug of choice you “have to” have, regardless of how I mistreat you, despite all the signs that your addiction to me is draining the energy from your life, that you are at risk of losing more and more of what you most value, and hold dear, to include the people you love, and those who love and support you. I love that I can isolate you from others who may nourish you, and break the spell, and I love making you mistrust them, so that you conclude no one else really wants to put up with you, but me. I love that I can make you feel I’m doing you a favor by being with you and throwing crumbs your way. Like a vacuum, the emptiness inside me is in constant need of sucking the life and breath and vitality you bring to my life, which I crave like a drug that can never satisfy, that I fight to hoard, and hate the thought of sharing. While I hate you and my addiction to your caring attention, my neediness keeps me craving to see myself through your caring eyes, ever ready to admire, adore, forgive, make excuses for me, and fall for my lies and traps. I love that you keep telling me how much I hurt you, not knowing that, to me, this is like a free marketing report, which lets me know how effective my tactics have been to keep you in pain, focused on alleviating my pain — so that I am ever the winner in this competition — ensuring that you never weaken (control) me with your love- and emotional-closeness stuff. In short, when I say “I love you,” I love the power I have to remain a mystery that you’ll never solve because of what you do not know (and refuse to believe), that: the only one who can win this zero-sum-winner-takes-all game is the one who knows “the rules.” My sense of power rests on ensuring you never succeed at persuading me to join you in creating a mutually-kind relationship because, in my worldview, being vulnerable, emotionally expressive, kind, caring, empathetic, innocent are signs of weakness, proof of inferiority. Thanks, but no thanks, I’m resolved to stay on my winner-takes-all ground, ever in competition for the prize, gloating in my narcissistic ability to be heartless, callous, cold, calculating … and proud, to ensure my neediness for a sense of superiority isn’t hampered. Forever love-limiting, Your narcissist PS: I really, really need help — but you CANNOT do this work for me (not without making things worse for both of us!). Remember, we’re co-addicted to each other, so we’d never go to an addict to get help, right? Only a therapist, with experience in this, stands a chance, and even then, only if I choose to really, really, really let him/her! (That’s because I’d have to face my greatest fear that, not only am I not superior to everyone and thus not entitled to make and break rules as I please, but I’d also have to own — that my own actions, thoughts and beliefs about myself and others — are THE main cause of the suffering in my life … and changing them, THE solution. I could not would not ever want to do this for the sole reason that, from my worldview, only the feeble-minded and weak do such things!) I did not write this but sure found it interesting enough to share Please Comment and let me know what you think. Shegot

When I say Mine, I don't mean Mine only when we are having sex time.
I don't mean Mine only when we are in the mood.
I mean Mine now. Always. Never is there an off-switch.
I mean Mine when your tits hurt because it's cold.
I mean Mine when you are tired.
I mean Mine when you are achy, and don't feel like doing anything but being miserable.
I don't mean Mine only when it's convenient.

Just like I mean Mine when you call at 11pm asking me to be by your side.
Just like I mean Mine when you are sick and I'd rather be doing anything else than sitting by your bedside (because I do NOT have a bedside manner).
Just like I mean Mine when you are having a shitty day and I try to be kind anyway (I don't always succeed, but I try).
Just like I mean Mine when you need me, for whatever it is you need me for, whenever it is you need it.

I do not mean Mine just for my sadistic entertainment. Yes, I do mean it for my sadism, but also for your care, and for your eddification. Mine is a two way street. Mine is a system of giving and taking that flows in both directions.

Your body is Mine to do with as I please, when I please, how I please, whether it pleases you or not. But with that comes responsibility to care for what is Mine, to ensure your health and safety both physically and emotionally. I take My end of that very, very seriously.

They say when a merger happens, you gain the other party's enemies but not their friends. And so too is it with our past. You are Mine and with that comes your past, your butcher bill, your fears, and your triggers. I accept them all, without reservation. They are a part of you. And you are Mine. We will work through them, just as i work through my own issues, past, and baggage.

Mine. It is not just a word to be breathed in your ear to make you cum. It is an all encompassing word that flows from My lips and colors my every thought where you are concerned.

Mine. It is not merely a hot thing to say in the heat of passion. No, it is when we are cool that it means the most. Mine.

You are Mine and I will never walk away from you.



I cannot take credit for writing this but thought others would be able to understand that the word MINE means much more then just that. Enjoy

Shegot




Unlike what a lot of people outside bdsm think, We don't force our submissves to be with us, we don't force them to do aspects of bdsm they hate and don't willingly want to do it, we don't have legal papers that says we bought them from slavery black market like dark ages. Submission gets its beauty and glory from the fact that it is a gift, something that is giving with passion, emotions, respect and love. It shine under the care and guide of the dominants but if it got abused or misused then it decays and the whole relationships between the two falls a part. We don't spend our time degrading our girls and making them feel worthless, but in fact we embrace them and embrace that submissive nature they have and help them grow to be better on all aspects of their life. We don't brain wash our submissives and they are not weak minded miserable mentally abused girls.. most of the lifestyle's submissievs are growing up strong willed proud career women who hold position of power on their line of work but that doesn't stop them to be who they are inside and embrace their submission with pride and enjoyment, it is something that count for them not a against them. We are proud of our lifestyle, we are proud of our strong beautiful amazing girls, we are proud to be who we are and we are not ashamed of it.

I saw this and thought I would show just how lovely us older ladies can be .

See my results online at

[url]http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=720786[/url]


i found this link and took the survey and found out some interesting info along the way check it out and see what you think and let me know how we compare in our result.

Here are my results.....

== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
98% Switch
87% Voyeur
81% Bondage receiver
79% Exhibitionist
78% Experimentalist
65% Submissive
63% Primal (Prey)
56% Vanilla
55% Dominant
54% Brat
49% Non-monogamist
48% Master/Mistress
47% Bondage giver
45% Primal (Hunter)
44% Slave
42% Masochist
41% Sadist
30% Owner
21% Age player
19% girl/boy
18% Brat tamer
18% Daddy/Mommy
5% Degradation giver
3% Degradation receiver
3% All-Rounder
1% Pet
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=720786

looking forward to seeing some people's results

Here is a few of my friends that I like to hang out with at The Velvet Rope our favorite swinger club these are a bunch of awesome people to hang with and party with.






Hope you enjoy these wonderful entertainers as Steel and I do evertime we see them.

I hope you all enjoy our entries in the latest blog challenge







My Master takes such good care of me.


The other players are......



Jersey_Girl. tight_wet_lips, aussiewanker, texangel, bighoss2, WendySilvia, showy_Showy, NerdyBird, steelrat60, Masterslizzie, Whispermyname, amps79, TenderMoments, FiFi72uk, LuLusBakery, vouyr, undisclosedid1, mrsUnderDog59, d_licious_d, celticone, J_detroit, texasCactus, MrsTexasPeach, hwnh, FinNude, guitartxn; shegotthejak

Well here is my first attempt at a blog challenge hope I can figure it out now to figure out how to add all parties involved all help appreciated. Also any suggestions will be greatly appreciated also. Have a happy NN day all.

XOXOX's
jak



Fresh Kale from the neighbors garden


Our only house plant that I have not killed lol

The house plant

And last but not least our fresh Daffy's

The players are:
tight_wet_lips, bighoss2, guitartxn, MrMrsFX, WendySilvia, plumplover4life, masterstoy91, undisclosedid1, LuLusBakery, FinNude, nickey69, J_Detroit, KaioticEvil, JediMasterBater, aussiewanker, DubbleStubble, Jersey_Girl, Showy_Showy, d_licious_d, slinkysuzie, FinNude, TexAngel, kricket187, mfpandbc, steelrat60, shegotthejak, curious48, mrsUnderDog59, shotguns&tattoos