Dignitea's Blog - page 16

Merry Christmas to everyone, who reads my blog.

I am sat here on my own, rain running down the window, slight wind blowing, thinking back to yesterday, when a simple walk, became more.

It was raining then as well, but good waterproofs and it works, muddy fields, I peek out the hood and the place is so quiet, mud under foot, the odd slip, one distant deer at the edge of a wood.

I was close to , where my friend K lives, not seen her for a while and when seeing her car was siting , thoughts of dropping in,for a cup of tea.

Now a farmhouse kitchen is one of those inviting places, it is usually always warm and there can be the smell of cooking or baking.

When see answered, she just looked at me, threw her arms around me, buried her head in my shoulder and started to cry.

It was one of those time, stand still moments.

She was to be married next month, but he broke it, off, with her, he could not handle her past, that she had a bad reputation, her crime, she had a healthy sexual appetite.

We talked for a long time, she asked if, that was the reason, that I had never asked her out , was she really that bad, she said, I bet you understand.

Questions, Questions, she could ask them and I answered them all truthfully , never held back, its not my way.

I had her laughing, mostly at my expense,

I was there, the day, she moved into the farm, her and mum, arrived with nothing, left behind another life and got a second chance, for all the one she called Dad was not her real Dad, he loved her more, than she will ever know, he was so proud on what she done, When she once was in the paper, I was there and he said that is my daughter, how lucky am I .

Now my simple way of seeing things is, the past is the past, it's what we do in present.


I took this picture one day, after the last one I posted, so much of late, seems to be sending me a message. I am going back too , my coastal adventures. I need them for me, no more putting it off, enjoying what I want in life, it is not much, but like when I took this picture, standing in front of these Two Sisters, feeling that smile, that moment , that is hard to really put into words, but I want it.

I had to go to, town this morning, little bit of shopping, was in, a shop heard a woman shout, looked up and a man is running towards me, with her purse, I stopped him, hand is still sore, but worth it, but learned a new lesson, I better throw, with my right instead of my left lol, the store security done the rest.

I was walking, this afternoon, man, I know, ask's what is in my rucksack, showed him, full of dirt to add , some weight not a lot 10lbs, maybe a little more, but it is like resistance training, it is something, that I have done for years, not like the old days, where I ran with bricks in the rucksack, might manage one brick now lol, but it was just part of training.
After my stroke, the rucksack was empty, then it had a 1litre pot of soil, then 2L,, you get the picture, gradual build up, I struggled once or twice, beauty of soil and living in the country, a farmer got some nice soil added to his field's.

Met someone, else, I know, they had a new dog, got it from a rescue, a Whippet, stood and chatted, as it ran around, hopefully I will meet them again, when I have the camera, then when walking home, the woman with the Greyhound with no tail, I still have this one, to get it's picture for her, it is getting old.

My idea of shooting a new picture each day might, be a right challenge, a lot of wet weather, will just try, it is all we can do, but from Sunday till. I go back to work, a daily blog, I thankfully have a few pictures, that I have taken over the last 3 weeks, then I found the one, that will make the blog today, from, 8 years ago, I have looked, at it, many times over the years, but time for it, too, see the light of day.


I think, there is a reason, there has been the mental block on this one and so many more, last night, it spoke, along the lines, blog me, it is a 90 second exposure, it was a lot windier, than the picture show, I was lying top of the cliff, looking down, tripod, as low, as it could go, but in that moment, there was no place on earth, I would rather be.

It has been 5 days since, i slept more than a few hours a night, today, the tank is on empty, no reserves to help me. not the first time, probably not the last time . You can only lie and stare into the darkness for so long, then it time to decide, read a book, listen to a podcast or, go for walk.

Shortest day of the year, reason to smile, a little while before, any real difference to be seen, but time passes, so quick for me.

I got asked too, take a picture, another dog picture, another Border Collie. I did , take the picture of a Jack Russell terrier and a Patterdale Terrier, the owner, he was delighted with , the picture. He got it, printed up and it hangs in his shed,, or as everyone seems to call them now, mancaves or garden rooms,, too me,, shed or a hut.

I only take pictures of breeds, I like. There is a farm near to me, who has some old breeds of hens and I actually asked, if, I can take some pictures of them. Another thing, I would take pictures of, are pigs, always had a soft spot for them.

I have no work now, till January 4th, for all the weather can be bad here, this is my favourite holiday, tradition if the weather looks good is Christmas morning to walk down the road, get the camera set up, pointing towards some trees and just maybe, the light will be there and if not,, it never really matters..

I am going to try and do a 5 mile walk each day, might take the camera, with me, on some, there is a place, I want to explore.

Will blog before Christmas and then , maybe a blog everyday, as long, as I have a fresh picture of something..

The gremlins hit, this blog, had it all written and hit those magic keys, that just make it's vanish, means start again or, just give up, I am back to just starting again.

I will not re-write, what I had, bit like the way I see life now, just start again, each day.

I wore 7 top layers of clothing to stay warm at work last week, 2 pair of long johns and a pair of trousers, throw in 3 pairs of socks, one beanie and double gloves, quite the rig out.

So much of last weeks work, I was able to just let my mind wander, I think of the past, I think about the future.

I use to listen to an audible book, but not allowed to do that now, no music except the singing of the man who works with me, in 2 years, he has been with me, still never able to work out, what songs he sings, one of lives mysteries that one.

I sit and read, at lunchtime and nap for about 15mins, it gives me the boost, I need, still might have to cutback the hours some, in the new year.

I did manage to walk over 4 miles, with a fully loaded camera backpack yesterday and no pain to report today, just another of these small steps, I have taken over, the 6 months since the Stroke.

My eye is back in, with the camera, over the last 3 weekends, I have fell in love , with it all again, I have managed to find, some new views, that I will work on and I have been enjoying taking black and whites, actually seeing it, as a black and white from before, I press the shutter.

I gifted a picture, too someone.

There is so much more, I would like to do, new projects, thought off, keeping the over active mind, ever more thinking.

I am, wondering about whether, I will continue posting on facebook, posted once this year on Twitter, i set up, a Mastadon account, whether, I will use it, who knows. maybe, I should just stick, to where it all started for me, on the social networks and that is here.

Start of 2023, I will have a plan in place, not a New Year resolution.

One thing, I really would like for someone, too find me ,too share some adventures with. but if not, I am still going to have some adventures.

I love life. been a number of years, since I have been like that. I share my world in words and in pictures, been doing it, on here for over 10 years.


For over, 50years, I have walked by here, in last number of years, I have stared at it, thinking, there, has to be a picture here, then 3 weeks ago, when coming back home from shooting my 3 trees, it was an oh shit moment, the light was just starting to hit it and happy to say, I got this, now I might never get anything else here again, but I never gave up on it and seized my moment, when mother nature, gave it too me.. My most important picture in a very long time..

We have been hit, with our first real period of cold weather since, around 2010, more like what, a winter should be like, a few very light flurries of snow, but not enough for me, if we ever really get a downfall, there is no way, that I will be going to work.

It has been down to -7 and I still have cycled to work, each day, my roads have been well gritted and I have a set of spike tyres on the bike, as well, also fitted Bar Mitts too, the bike, anyone cycling in the more colder weather would appreciate these. After that, just like, when out walking, all about the layers.

Same at work, it is all about layers, people moan about the lack of heat,, my one thing, since the stroke, is, I need an extra layer on, but got my set up all dialled in now, so working with the metal, all day is not a problem.

One of the apprentices, got dumped by his girlfriend, asked me , how long it rakes to get over it, now, there is a question, that is impossible to answer , like I said to him, not been out with anyone in over 5yrs, does that mean, I am not over it or, does it mean, I am, but not found someone, that I want to spend time with..

The questions on life are many, each day, you have new ones, some you can answers, some, that never will be,

One question just now, Bacon or Sausages for breakfast, well, my second actually , porridge was had 3 hrs ago, part one of the process for fueling for the day ahead.



I took this yesterday , it might be Number 2 in my little project of trying to take 12 black and white pictures. I have looked at this view for ever, seen it the day before, thought it might work, also got a colour one, that I like, throw in a few others from yesterday and it was a decent return, good thing is, now got 3 sitting for future blogs, that I have taken over the last month.

I was standing last weekend , someone went by said,, I am wasting my time, for there is no beauty around, where we stay.

Looked at these decaying flowers and thought there must be something of interest, eh nope. just never worked. But just walked 10ft from the front door , the rain started and simple dash, back into the house lol.

I done , my first whole week at work in 6 months this week, strange, that it, does not seem as long, but for all there was, days where, I thought , it would never happen, I never gave up, took my time and got there., think if, I was going to get a tattoo, it would be, never will give in.

I got the offer of a new job, but turned it down, for all more money, it meant more travel and longer day, I think of these things in money terms, I am fortunate, that I can, plus my work is just so easy for me, in more ways, one other little thing swayed me, well , a big one, when I was having a look around, no one seemed happy, there just was not a positive feeling.

30 days to Christmas, I am more and more about the giving, happy that I can. small things, when in a shop, add something to the collection for the foodbanks.I bought a picture, the person was selling them reduced for the same thing, I paid the full amount.

Back in the day, this was the time, Julie loved, when her dad gave us the Christmas list, gifts to get for the Christmas party, that he held each year in his pub, made sure, all the children had something nice, then he also gave put turkeys , chickens, steak pies, that they picked up , on Christmas Eve.

I have been thinking about her, quite a bit, more so, from when, I had the Stroke. man she must be looking down at me and just giving me that look lol.

But you know one thing, for all the bad things, I prefer too, think of all the good ones more now.

For a few years, recently I got too spend my Boxing days, with someone, that I loved so much, I have always loved Boxing day, back in the Glasgow days, we had a get together at my house, the place was alive, music played, people danced and then there was the singing, for all, I use to retreat into my little office, I sat there all smiles, drinking my tea and having a bit of cake.


There is something, that I have started too, see about these trees, they might always be a black and white thing, sure, I might get a sky with colour one day, but each time, when I have stood there, I just think, its another black and white day. I got this with the Canon, I might try a little thing of, getting at least one black and white a month, more and more, I like a project.

Back to full time working from tomorrow, holiday was fine, that's me now, till I am off for 2 weeks nearly at Christmas.

But I have been warned, if needing to rest, take a break, plus , they have some other plans for me as well, which are more mental work and office type work, something new for me, but thing is , it very much a case of just over 5 months and still learning to adapt and enjoy life.

Yesterday, I had a day out, saw true bravery, a man I respect so much, life sometimes, is not fair.

Not many left of people like me, could write more, but another time, one off those times,, where words, would lean, to many tears.

I was in, a place last night for dinner, all decorated for Christmas, was very nicely done, best bit, there was a Christmas Party on, in a dining room next too, where we, were eating, Christmas songs getting place, then people started joining in, then some of the people I was with, joined in as well, whole place singing Rudolph the red nose reindeer in the end, little PS food was really good.


Last of the phone pictures, I have sitting here, all those Autumn leaves are gone now, but there was some wonderful colours this year, in my little woods..

Last weekend, I got out with my beloved Canon 5D , been five months or more, since she had gotten further, than my garden and it was great. for all I have been grateful to, have my phone, in those days, where I wondered if, I could ever hold her steady again..

I had sat my bag ready , the night before, my only real issue is the tripod and ballhead, now, there is a bit of weight in these, but I managed, only walked mile or so, from the house, climbed a fence into the field and go set up.

My 3 trees before me, before, I had the camera from the bag, they were going to be a Black and White. but looking 90 degrees, I saw, it was looking a bit better.

I know, I had a massive smile on my face, if anyone had seen me, they would have shook there head, but , it was not about even getting a keeper, it was because I got here, took my time, waited till, it just felt right and here I was, sunrise.


I got a little bit of colour in the sky, looking 90 degrees to me, I have one similar, that will make next years calendar, missed doing them, but time now, to get shooting.. I might post the black and white, But I do have one other one, for a future blog.

I post on a few groups on Facebook, it is a pastime, that I have done since, my early twenties seriously and for longer, than that, when I done it, too a lesser degree, yesterday, I got a message, saying how, sad a person, I must be, because I seem to do is post on a group daily.. Another little troll, who hides behind his computer screen, luckily for me, I do not give a shit, what people think on my posting and will continue, to do what I want. But not always the case, a lot take negative comments to heart and stop doing what they enjoy.

For me thankfully it is not about likes , comments, it is for my own enjoyment first and foremost. I made the mistake on here, off falling into the trap of worrying how, my blogs never got comments, never got as many views, only posted pictures of what, I know, would get the comments, I blogged everyday for a year, it was just supposed to be a little bit of fun, a challenge , by the end of it, I crashed and burned, my blogging never really recovered.

So when I killed off Whokens and became Dignitea, I made a promise, never ever, to feel to be pressured into it, by myself, may I add, to just post what I want, my pictures, tell as much about me, as the words, my pictures, are my voice, I see through the lens.

I am thinking ahead, 1st January 2023, I am going to be writing more, I am going back to keeping a diary of sorts, I might even try and blog daily for a year, I love to set myself goals. I like to have focused projects.

It is 5 months now and each day, you would,not believe, how grateful I am, that I am still able to do, mostly what , I want and for the bits, I struggle with, you work around it, if possible and if not , well, I have my memories.


Like, I have said , enough times to bore myself, I am not one for taking black and whites, but I really do love pictures of black and white scenes. I took this the other day, when in town, even when, I took this, it was always going to be b&w, it made me think of doing a weekly challenge of B&W photos, to learn how, to really process, them as well, that is, an art in, itself.

Now, my thoughts when, I was taking this or, bit before , was , will I go and get a cake, M&S do a nice little chocolate thing, I like , but I was a week shy of my monthly cake, but tomorrow, it is cake day, time for a treat..