gpflem's Blog - page 8

Drafting Guys Over 60


This is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier... New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces think I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing bass-ackwards.

Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes?
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!

My ex wifes sister lives in NZ. Her daughter is married and her husband is coming to Melbourne.

He is very clever - a Doctorate of something or other - tho he has not booked any accommodation. And it is Melbourne Cup day while he is here for just a few days. This is one of the biggest horse racing events in th Southern Hemisphere. Lots of visitors and hotels completely booked out.

So my neice ( is she still a neice? ) msgd me on fb to see if he could bunk with us.

I am wrapped that she has thought of me / us. They do have other relatives they can call on. Apparantly they think I am a nice person.

Any way this may mean my time on NN may be curtailed some what while he is here. He will prob sleep on the couch in the lounge where the puter is.

Play nice every one.

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it; she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston ".

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiencesto debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

As I said here a short while ago, me ex was diagnosed with Cancer. It must have been quite agressive because she died Wed of last week.

My son went up to see her but arived about 1/2 an hour late. I feel very sorry for my kids to loose their mother so early. She was only 53. She had a daughter to her boyfriend as well and she is only 18 so that is very sad.

My mum died from cancer when I was about my kids age and I still miss her very much. I am sad that she never got to be a grandmother. She would have loved spoiling my and my sisters kids.

What amazes me however is that the son took a pic of a cerificate of me joining the Scouts in 1968. And he brought home my Baptism certificate dated 11 May 1958.

Why did his mum have this stuff and - why on earth did she keep it?

Just makes me wonder.

Some of you will know I have invested in - and been working on - a bar. I have a mate that is my business partner who has put in lots of work getting the refurb done as well.

Well the bar part has been done. The owners of the property have been down to inspect the property and were impressed with the result so far.

The kitchen is next on the agenda. That is going to take a fair bit of work, and a few dollars as well. Cuurntly it is a mess with not much in it at all.

But we have opened.


When I work out how to put pictures in a blog I will post some.

Keep you informed but your wishes for our success would be appreciated.

Tahanks

As I have said my ex is crook so my son has taken off to see her. We are in Melbourne and she is in Hervey Bay in Qld - some 4 hr drive north of Brisbane.

So I have been home alone for a few days. Dont get me wrong - I love him - but it has been nice being here on my own. Peaceful and not having to have him here means I can be naked - or semi naked - and none of his friends call in.

Also I get to perv and chat on NN without worry.

An added bonus was that I was able to Skype with a friend. I have never done that before. Wow - amazing. I felt like George Jetson.

It was fantastic actually seeing some one and hearing their voice. just imagine one day when NN operates like that.

So thank you forv introducing me to the amazing world of Skype.

that I am not really a nice person.

When I got home tonight my son said - I have got some bad news to tell you.

Then he said his mother has got cancer - in the lung, the leg and in the brain.

I asked him how he was and he said - sad.

I rang my daughter to see how she was - she said she is sad but will wait to see how things progress.

So I asked myself how I felt.

Nothing.

I felt nothing. Oh I am sad for the kids. I remember my Mum getting crook and succuming to bowl cancer at about their age so I have empathy for them.

But other than that - and that feels strange. I care about ppl and when I hear news storys about tragedy I feel for ppl.

I dont care tho in this case one way or the other.

I am sorry to say I am not a nice person.

This just tickles me

Hope you enjoy it too

Last nights soup for lunch.

Even better the next day!

Happy Mothers day to all the mums out there.

You all do wonderful work raising up young people.

I miss my mum very much - still after all these years. I miss that my kids never got to meet her and be spoilt rotten as i know she would have.

So thank you mums who ever and where ever you may be.

I salute you!