DarkenedAngel's Blog

It's been so long since I posted that I doubt anyone will even read this but oh well, I'll go for it anyways.

Last time I wrote I was starting Uni... well that lasted all of about a month. I couldn't hack being around so many people and had to drop out by Christmas. It was hard but I feel better for it. I live with friends now, well they're more like family and I love it. I'm part looking for work, part writing and part trying to hold myself together over the weeks.

The writing is going slow but well, and hopefully I'll get the first book done by the end of the year. It might never get published or read but I'm having so much fun with it that it doesn't really matter to me right now.

Mentally I haven't gotten much better. I have good days and bad days and I try to ignore the bad ones but it's getting harder as time goes on with no explanation of why I'm so messed up.

I will post some new pics as soon as some are taken, and all of you insane enough to look at them can enjoy XD

Darkened Angel, signing off.

I had my first class today and it seems like it should be easy enough to get around Uni and everything like that so that's all good. Seeing how most of my classes are in the evening it's good for me too because I can do whatever I like when I finally get up and not be too worried about late nights with friends online hehe.

Well I think this was only a little update, just thought I should write something... no idea why but oh well. Hope everyone's doing well and life isn't hitting anyone too hard at the moment. Love to you all.

Darkened Angel, signing off.

Well hello one and all it's finally got to that time where I've moved into the halls of residence and am now officially enrolled at University!! Omigod I can't believe I actually made it it's so amazing to think I managed it. I know I forgot to post on here when the results came through so I think I'll let you know now. I got a C in my Drama A Level and I managed to get an A (see that... A!!!!!) in English. Got stuff in my first year classes too but it was English and Drama that mattered. I can't believe I managed to pull an A out the bag but I got full marks on one exam and two off full marks on the other.

So now I'm at University, sitting in my room right now actually hehe. Things are gonna be a little hectic for a while as I settle down and figure out what I'm doing every day. I have my timetable though and most of my classes are evening ones this semester which is handy because it means I can get to know my way around town a little more and go see my bf and gf whenever I want to.

That's one of the best things about being here, I'm so close to them it's amazing. They can come and see me and even stay over and I can go and stay with them if I want to. It's so good to be near enough to them that I can go and see them and be around them as much as we feel like and they have all my Xbox and PS games as well so I'll have to go over there to play them when I want to.

The reading list for this semester is huge, but then I am doing English so it's only to be expected. I'm just glad I finally have an excuse to read Dracula and a random book called 'Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?'. I think it's going to be a lot of fun and hopefully I'll be able to post and update this more regularly.

So then my little nugget of wisdom for the day is this: Never give up. Even when you stop believing there will always be someone there who knows that you can do whatever you want and in the end everything will turn out as you want it and it will all be ok.

Darkened Angel, signing off.

Well seems I've been so damn busy recently that I haven't had a chance to do this or talk to barely anyone. The past few weeks have been so hectic it's unreal but I think things are starting to get back to normal a little now. I had some really bad news last week that one of my old school friends had been murdered in my town. Not exactly the thing you want to hear when you're worrying about stuff anyway but I guess these things get better over time.

I've been wanting to RP online like crazy but I just haven't had the time. I'm either busy, asleep or awake at stupid o'clock in the morning when I should be asleep. That's the other reason I haven't been on here to check messages or look on the forums and stuff.

Only just over a week now until the exam results come out, now that is scary! I know in theory I should have done OK, there's no reason for me to have failed or anything but I still can't help worrying. I have no idea what I'm gonna do if I don't get in plus I'm gonna have a lot of angry adults breathing down my neck even though I'm sure I could take care of my damn self.

Hope everything is going well for everyone on here. Love to you all!

Darkened Angel, signing off.

I am going to bed to sleep and sleep and try and sort my head out. Hopefully I'll be online again soon to post more >_<

I hurt. My head and back feel like they're both going to die a very painful death. On the upside thought I got my offer for the halls of residence for my Uni today so everything seems to be falling into place. As long as the grades come through in August then all should be well.

Well I hope everything is going OK for everyone and that good things are happening to all. I'm kinda trying to take the stance at the moment that shit happens and the way we deal with it determines how things go after that. I have to deal with shit, hopefully soon things will all be good and the balance will once again be restored.

Darkened Angel, signing off.

The exams are all done and I don't think any of them went too badly, hopefully come 20th August I'll get good news on the results. Two more weeks of having to go into college because of helping to sort out our Summer Ball, basically the end of year prom and then the summer. I can't wait for the three weeks with my bf and gf. I've made sure I have someone who can drop me at the station and I'm going to be with them and we are going to have fun and party and everything.

I know I've probably said this stuff before over and over again but now I'm done with exams everything just seems to be... sorted. I feel more confident now that I don't have them to worry about so I'm not feeling so ill and messed up all the time and I won't be as tired. Maybe once this is all finished and I'm up at Uni I'll be able to sort myself out completely... whatever the hell is wrong with me that makes me like I am.

I don't think I can remember a time where I've been this happy. My gf and best friend can stay in the country for however long she likes, I can go and stay with her and the bf for three weeks soon and all my exams are done and I don't think I did too badly on any of them. Today is a good day.

Love and hugs to you all, I hope everything is going well for all of you and thanks for all the support over especially the past few weeks.

Darkened Angel, signing off.

Ok so today I got the BEST news in the whole damn world... my gf text me and told me that she got indefinite leave to remain in the UK!!! I practically jumped for damn joy and bounced off the walls when I got the text from her telling me it's the best thing I've heard in a long time. We were obviously all a little worried about whether they might just decide to say no and she'd have to go back to America but they said yes and now when I go up and see them (hopefully) in a few weeks we can all celebrate and spend her birthday together.

Now as long as I pass my exams and get into Uni everything's gonna have fallen into place. Maybe now will be my time to shine. A teacher did say to me once I will find that I will shine most and the best time I have will be when I go to Uni because I'll be free and away from everything that's hurt me, everything that's upset me and all the people who hold things against me or hate me for who I am.

I have this feeling that everything's going to be OK now. I did my second English exam today and I think I did better on it than I thought I would. I definitely found it a lot easier than I thought I would so hopefully that means something. There's just the written drama exam to go tomorrow but hopefully I only need a C in that to get the grade I need, but I reckon I can pass it pretty well as long as the questions are reasonable. I got a C in the written paper last year and I'd done no revision, my notes were crap and I blagged a load of crap. This time I may have done no revision and my research notes are crap, but everything I need to know is stored in my head and ready to be released.

Wish me luck I guess, then exams are done, summer is nearly here and hopefully I'll get the grades I need when the results come out in August!!

Love to you all

Darkened Angel, signing off.

Well I've now done one of my three A2 exams. King Lear, well wasn't that a bitch? The questions were those horrible ones that you think you can answer... until you try and actually do it and then you get through two paragraphs and run out of ideas. Luckily the character I guessed would come up did so I'd planned loads for it, and I managed to bullshit my way through the second part about "how Shakespeare presents women throughout the play".

Now just the other English one with unseen texts and creative writing and the Drama exam to do. Drama's a bitch though because we've only JUST started the unit that the second half of the exam is on... and the exam is next Friday. Great going yeah?

I hope I pass. I want to get into Uni so much I never thought I'd be this bothered but I want to get out of this damn county with it's green monotony and people who know me. I should have faith in myself but I have to be realistic. Damn my logical mind.

Well love to you all and hope everything is going ok for everyone.

Darkened Angel, signing off.

Ok so all my AS exams are done now. The AS ones were the ones I don't need, the classes I only took to fill up my timetable. My A2 exams start next week. I only have 3, 2 for English and 1 for Drama but I'm still terrified. I have to get good grades to get into Uni and I'm so worried I won't get them. Everything is hanging on me getting in, including my happiness.

I know it seems silly but I've been so off all year that I don't know what's going to happen with these exams. I hope I pass. Most people might say that I need to believe in myself more, but I'm just trying to be realistic. I want to get into uni, I think it'd be so good for me and being close to my bf and gf might sort my head out or at least start to.

Sorry for such a sort update, I'm trying to get my head around a lot of stuff, especially why I'm so jealous about some stuff to do with the RP we do with some friends.

Darkened Angel, signing off.